saturday

i read ninas bulletin and i decided i would copy.
although i am going to write things i currently dislike.

+
waking up next to my lover tangled in each others arms, clean sheets, dark hair, white eye shadow, new makeup, cleanliness, my future, rock of love, americas next top model, warm nights, mixx cds, holding hands, my nigger buns, orange and mango, big kisses, being hopefull, having money, spending money, being lucky, winning on the pokies, being in love, having an amazing family, taking nothing for granded.

-
red lights, scene kids, people who walk slow, low battery, motorolla chargers, being pasty, sweating, feeling bloated, arguments, loosing money.

rant

girls these days get some self respect, my god.
just broadcast everything via myspace, especially your body through myspace photos.
i love how in her myspace photos she has her bra straps tightened as short as they go so her boobs look massive and sit right under her chin, or how her myspace photos show off her swim wear/under wear collection. as well as editing photos, smoothing out your skin, making your hair redder and your eyes bluer.
or how that girl, your not even pretty in real life and your hair is rank as, go get an education, stop scabbing off centerlink and get off myspace, shit!
seriously, and i have decided i really don't like/have time for those people who are under 18, bar 3.
/rant


oh and i seen a scene kid yesterday, i didnt think they exsisted anymore.
obviously not.

friday

Let me be the one who calls you baby
All the time
Surely you can take some comfort
Knowing that you're mine
Just hold me tight, lay by my side
and let me be the one who calls you
Baby all the time

I found my place in the world
Could stare at your face for the rest of
my days
Now I can breathe, turn my insides out
and Smother me
Warm and alive I'm all over you
would you smother me?

thursday

after spending a great day withg my boyfriend i am extremly happy once again, he bought me the cutest ivory budda<3 SO cute :)

today i started packing up my room, i went thru my memory box and ohh there are many things that bring back memories from adventures, school and past lovers, lol.

im halfay through painting, i have hardly touched my paints and it feels good to get back into it, i cant wait to be able to hang my art up around my house :)

am i jelous

or do i just hate females?

i am furious, apart from th handful of decent girls i know, whom are kind, classy and just have respect, i hate everyone.

one in particular, you have no respect at all, you don't say that kind of shit to people whom are in a relationship, you are just an ugly slut, and your voice is so bad.
i cannot wait till i get a hole of your mobile number my god, you make me fume.

Tuesday

i'm having trouble getting around to blogging everyday like i told myself i would.
the last few days have been crazy and so emotional.
shit has happened with joel that i feel i can't help anymore, i love him with pretty much everything i have and it tears my heart out when i can't make things better for him. I'm hoping next week will bring him a bit more happiness and my joel will come back again, not this joel i dont know.

also, tomorrow is my final hsc exam, i am SOOO keen for it all to be over, no idea!

i wish;

i wasnt to be able to express my happiness that i get from m relationship with joel, i want to tell my mum how happy i am and these feelings! but i cant.

I was bali already, attempting to get a tan and buying everyones cheap christmas presents

i was in my new apartment already, the next stage of my life, doing things for myself, i cannot wait!

i get these marks, other wise my plans, that are planned out to a T will be ruined, i need these marks.

other wise i am happy, i am happy with where i am and what is around me.

i wish i could make things all better for you, take away the bad and fix you :(

Sunday

i am still awaiting the other photo to be uploaded, oh god.
i should have worn a necklace!

friday

last night was extremly messy, but alot of fun.
well deserved fun in my opinion.
it was great to get away from newcastle and to go to hotdamn, without sneaking in.
soo much dancing and laughing, was great.

im really liking my new haircut haha, although my sister is constantly telling me i look like an 'ugly boy' im really happppy with it, i just dont know what colour i should go, stay black orrrr try go back to a reddish colour? HMMM

anywho, today i am happy, hungover, sore, loved but very happy.
so keen for sleep ins tommorrow morning, hopefully jessie and i will have our lunch date... we'll see x

thursday

i have this feeling back

wednesday

haircut x2

Tuesday

i never thought id say this, but im actually wishing i had something to do.
i remember just a month ago i was SO keen to finish school, and now that i am home everyday and ive pretty much finished my hsc i have nothing to do!
my sleeping pattern is so messed up, and although i am so chilled and relaxed im bored of doing nothing!

im excited to go out thirsday night, its a well earned night and i cannot wait :)

on another note.
i dont see what all the fuss is about you, your nothing special, your not 'prettier' than anyone else, everything you do/say honestly annoys me. people almost worship you for some unknown reason, like your life is going no where!
frustratedddddd!

And all we know is that we'll never know

We love the hearts but the hearts love us even more
Desperate and true, thinking of you
Borrowed and blue, sinking with you

Keep loving, keep breathing, keep living

Monday

i got my haircut.

sunday

ive never been an angry person, i remeber rhys used to tell me that i am too much of a friendly person and that i let people walk over me all the time, and that, i quote, was going to 'turn up to school with a shot gun and repeat the columbine masscre and kill everyone whoever walked over you'

but ive recently seen this angry side of me, i never get angry yet ive been in these rages where this anger builds up and i do things i would never imagine myself doing, and latley it has been happening alot, and its like it's not me, and i can't control the way i act. things build up and i just snap and loose it and i turn into a completly different person.

I dont like this, i dont like it at all.

friday

cowlicks suck

thursday

today was good, i ruined last night with over analysing everything but today was good. i'm so happy yet i still find it hard to let mysef be happy. it's like im not allowed to be, which sucks, because its the best feeling ever.

i got a new dress today for next thursday, i likee i likeee :)

today i also had my biology exam, i think i went pretty well seeing as i walked out with an hour left to go, i double checked everything and it was so good being able to answer everything, i just hope its not like the time i think i went really really well in an exam and turs out i got the shittest mark i have ever gotten haha.



stewie and lisa gave me two buddahs today to add to my collection :)

.

i hate this being an invisible thing, i hate not being able to talk about this.
i feel like i cant even say this name. i wish things where different.

future

in just over a months time its going to be preyyt much a new start.
I will be travellng to bali, along with my bestfriend and a whole heap of others whom i have known forever, no adults, apart from us haha.
We are going to have to do everything for ourselves and make sure we are all okay, considering our parents are 1000 of kilometers away.

The thought of this is so exciting, yet i'm alittle nervous to be honest, i know we will be okay, we have a smart group of kids, but the fact we are in a completly different country, biding by our own rules, its so exciting yet scary at the same time.

moving to forster will be excellent, this time in my life i will have no responsibilitys, no studying, time to take a break from education and live! i'll be living in Diamon Beach for 2 months, travelling back up to Newcastle im guessing once a week to visit my boyfriend and friends.

AND THEN THE BEST PART, feburary 18th, moving into my Kotara town house with my friend Brad, we are going to have the cutest little house and everything excited me, there are definatly going to be some pro's and con's to this, but overal i think i have picked the best roomate and i am so thankful my parents have opened up the opportunity for me to have this place set up for me while i go to uni!
im sooo happy.

wednesday

biology is satans subject.



this reminds me of my mum, i want this for her :)

panda

i love you

somebody's thinking for you

And your accepting what your being spoon fed.
You think you know, you know what they told you
Challenge what they know, and find out for yourself..

so in between being creeped out by my tutor, telling me about him loosing his virgitnity which i did NOT even want to think about, but the way he says these creepy as things so casually and without care scares the shit out of me, ive been friggen adddicted to the mtv show rock of love bus, it is soo corny and the show is filled of sillocine, fake hair, tattoos and bitchness. i cant get enough. brett michaels is so foul.



ive also watched season three of skins, and i am in love with emily haha, she is the biggest babeeeee

.

the feeling of being 110% happy and content with everything going on, is probably the best thing in the whole world.
luck is on my side, and im extremly lucky.
my parents have planned out everything for me, i have a place to move into next year, im going on an amazing holiday at the end of the year, im able to go to uni and do what i really really want to do. im so appreciative of what has been given to me, im doing everything i can to show them how thankful i am.

on another note, tany zangy straps are very sour.

hm

i bought a new bed today :)

wheres the kid with the chemicals?

i dont think i have ever been this stressed, just a constant feeling that will hopefully go away, i need to do well in hsc, not only for my own personal satisfaction, but for mums sake too.

i visited the counciller the other day, and it was the weirdest feeling, i got extremly angry and upset about mums situation and i let everything out onto this woman, and she took it. i felt so good after. she told me i have anxiety, and i can feel what the stress is doing to me, craaazy.

im looking forward to so many things, 11th of november friggen hurry up i need you, i cant wait to wake up on the 12th knowing that everything is done, never to have have to read another biology text book or study language teciques.

mm happy guys, im happy.

:)

i am so happy, so happy with everything. for once things are running smoothly and ive never been so content, i have the most amazing boyfriend ever, and i dont want another lover, as well as my wonderful bestfriend whom ive missed alot. these two are my favourites!

the first day of my life.

havent posted in SO long, honestly ive just been too busy bludging.
so im finally at the place ive been wishing for soo long, out of school.
feels kinda weird, alittle upsetting that i wont see the five people who actualy made school enjoyable for me the last few years every single day. i love those girls more than anything.

im so content with everything at the moment, no school and no rules, few months till i move out, go to bali etc, my boyfriend is happy and that makes me so much happier. things are finally running smoothly, apart from one small hiccup. but oh well i honestly am to happy and have other things to worry about other than your petty complaints, get over it haha.

i miss my nigger buns, more than anything. ive been soso lazy and slack ive been missing out on my best friend. sunday is going to be excellent, chilling, slushies and cheesy mtv programmes ill 1am in the morning.

im so happy soo happy right now, everyone come and soak up my happiness cause i have alot to give.

oh, and

id also like to say that my boyfriend is extremely cute when he is paralytic ahaha

if you pick my left side

so havent blogged in a while, been too busy wasting fuel and having fun to care about anything at the moment, im so on edge about finishing school in 24 school days left pretty much, minus 3 which is retreat which im being extremly anti social and not going on, as well as my year 12 formal.
haha i dont know whats wrong with me, maybe how i feel so out of it with everyone at my school, i have like one person who gets me, and everyone else is so different.
im going out next weekend which should be a blast, kind of sucks that now im eighteen ive hardly been asked for id at all, 2/8 times to be precise.

right now, i wish i had more time, im probably the shittest friend there ever could be, im whipped and i knowwwwwww but its the best feeling in the world, and i get upset when people don't understand. i'm so happy latley and thats all i care about, i dont even care about school anymore.
i just want september to fly by as well as october and hello early november which when time can slow down, i can enjoy living between forster and newcastle, enjoy not even worrying about education in the slightest and just have funnnnnnnn. im so keen for feb next year you dont even know ahahah.

what else what else, nothing. im never home anymore and i lie alot MAD.

lost

i currently have so much going on at the moment, way to much.
i cant even re arrange my bedroom which is a 2 week thing for me, im hardly home these days.
im constantly going behind peoples backs, ive lost alot of trust from my parents, and im starting to feel like i wont have friends soon, all on my behalf.
i need more hours in the day. i need more time to organize shit, and i seriously cannot wait til this is all over.
ive forgotten those most important, and ive been slack - once again.
but if found someone who i can truley vent to, who knows what im talking about. i hate hiding things, but i feel as though i have no other way, how i feel right now is just so strange, and i have to keep it to myself. i wish i could just tell everyone and anyone what is happening, but i cant.

stuff following your mind when the only reason your doing it is because of what others say.

prove

me wrong.

wishlist

haha, anyone who wants to get me any of these, feel free!


nokia e61, after playing with emj's i want one really bad, soo good!


my aunty knitted me a pair of fingerless gloves, but they can also turn into mittens.
they are the cutest little things ever, but they seem to have gone walk about :(
that picture is ugly compared to the cute ones she made me.


skins season three<3
oh and while your at it, seeing as someone 'borrowed' my skins season 2 and donnie darko and ran off to the central coast, i need them too!


leather hooded jacket, yes pleassse!



medusa



red bedroom walls, hello next weekend!

Project Runway Australia

i have so much fun watching this show, i cannot get over the male contestents.


HELLO JESUS!? my god you annoy the shit out of me more than anything. If you say the word GLAMOUROUS one more time i will hire an assasin to kill you, you make me so angry im tempted to send you hate mail.



nice bird pecker beak mouth, nerdy, dweeb man what the hell, how old are you?
yuckyyyyyy ew ew



just wtf, thats all.

currently

loving;
waking up on the good side of the bed, with him, warm blankets, pineapple juice, finding someone sooo similar to you it is creepy, spur of the moment acts, buddahs, gps, rose tattoos, mcdonalds drive thru, herbal essence, sleeping, the colour red, mcdonalds coke, laughing at other peoples missfortune, scabbing money, clean cars, coconut, scented candles, fruity lexia, leopard print, scarfs, panadol rapid

hating;
obese people, ugly obese people, ugly obese people eating fast food, ugly people in general, bad moods, negitive thoughts, cancer, bad drivers, red lights, orange lights, overtaking lanes, people who dont give way, not blinkering out of a round about, driving, random breath testing, sore toes, never wearing shoes, my extremly messy bedroom, headaches, donuts, being interupted, school, hsc, study, god, christianity, not being with my boyfieeeee, awkward moments, being shy, being broke, being beeped at, sneezing and..

mumma bear

So i walk into the loungeroom to see my mum and dad watching a massive fat arse black man with his obese stomach jiggiling in my face.
WHAT THE HELL are you watching, why would my parents want to watch fat wobbiling on our 106cm plasma screen, which in my opinion stretches everything already.



NICE SHIN PADS

I found a postcard mum sent to my little cousin while we where in America
'Dear Rylea, in Disney Land, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Bella Love Gayle Dave Brittany + Gayle'
first off, what is up with your grammar mum, just because she is six years old doesnt mean you can leave out all the 'ands' and commars and with and make the whole thing make no sence at all like she knows what you are talking about??? and i guess you really want to adopt my sister out of the family, just leave out Sophie and add your name twice, why not.

ahahah oh god.

automatic

yesterday joel and i took my car (br11tz) to the automatic carwash.
my god it was the most excited i've been in so long, haha it was so good!
definatly the best $15 ive spent in a while lol :)

BRB dying my hair....

tattoo

i want a rose very similar to this on each shoulder blade !
keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen :)

boys in cardigans

soooo, during my trip to melbourne, i was having so much trouble finding something to buy, i had so much money but nothing stood out and i just wanted to buy somethingggg.
so i decided to buy my boyfriend a little surprize.
now i think boys look super cute in a nice shirt and cardigan, so i walked into cotton on, bought him a black cardigan and a grey V neck, hahaha oh god i had so much fun buying it, they where all sooo cute!
I thought he was going to kill me, but he looks soooooooooooo cute in it ahah :)


nice face<3

18 in 23 days :)

not home

Its been 2 nights and im already missing like crazy. Its funny how you can become so accustom to having someone with you pretty much 24/7 and then to have them not there for even a few nights seems so wrong.
My inbox is filled with the cutest messages I think I have ever received, all from him. I'm looking forward to seeing him rather than actually going home where my head is going to explode from all the shit that's going on in my home. mum being sick is probably the worst thing that's ever happened, who's going to look after me now that she's sick? I try so hard but I can't not think what things would be like if the worst happened, but I kind of have to take it into consideration at this point. I'm so scared like you don't believe, and apart from me thinking about her all the time, I have the friggen hsc coming up. He makes me forget about all this shit going on, my handful of loveys are there for that job too. I need you guys more than anything. And what upsets me the most is I'm not making time for anyone anymore. He doesn't realize how much he distracts me and keeps me sane, and my girlies being there to tell me it will be okay.
I don't want to move to Melbourne, I'm so scared. I don't want to start over and I can't leave them behind.

On a lighter note, my current background music is screaming and guns shooting and zombies vomiting.
im sitting in my cousins room with 4 other people while they play some extremly violent xbox game full of zombies and black people killing these dead baby things tht actually end up ripping their legs off and somehow turn into a bomb that kills everyone, and they are all soo zoned in on it, screaming at their character thinking its actually going to make them run faster.
I feel so left out right now its not funny, wtf does pwnd mean? ahaha.